6th April 2015
You said that I should call the Crisis team if I have problems, but, I don’t trust them. This is because of how they treated me when I was referred to them by my GP (told me to go back to my GP).
When I did get a care worker from them he just made empty promises (meeting frequency, access to services, setting up a meeting with a psychiatrist). He also arranged for a colleague to visit when he couldn’t make it. This colleague turned up an hour late and did not introduce himself when I answered the door (in fact, he spent 2-3 minutes talking on the phone before even saying hello).
I cannot see any reason why I could expect any help from them.
I was surprised to get your call asking if you could speak to Dr Ramesh about my situation. When I last was him he said he would keep in touch with me and monitor my situation. Another empty promise I guess…
With regards to my relationship with you, I find myself shutting down and withdrawing into myself on Tuesday evenings and Wednesday mornings. I don’t know why this is. Maybe, subconsciously, it’s because you didn’t seem to take any notice of the letters I wrote to you you on 19 March 2014 and 7 April 2014 (copies enclosed). You seemed to only take notice when I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with Clara (letter dated 26 May 2014)
Maybe it’s because I have always had trouble with getting my voice to be heard (parents having real/fake hearing problems) and you have trouble hearing me (two reasons: your hearing problems and intellectual/psychological (you failed to understand what I meant when I was talking about wanting help from my dad to buy a car (not monetary))). You also didn’t grasp what I was saying in regards to mindfulness making me feel worse.
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Maybe it’s because I have had a feeling that once you got me embedded with Dash you would cut me loose without having addressed my depression.
Maybe it’s because when I was younger (don’t remember age) my parents forced me to tell them how I was feeling (don’t remember what I said) which made my mum cry and my dad tell me off.
I don’t have much of a voice or words to express, but, in my dealings with Swindon mental health services I don’t feel that I have been heard. Maybe this is an unfair generalisation as some people at some times have heard me.
I appreciate your frustration when you ask me questions that I cannot answer. All I get are images flashing through my mind that I either cannot put into words or the words get stuck in my throat. I have no solution to this.
I am ready to give up. I think the people at Dash are idiots (clients not Angie) and I don’t think there is anything that SEQOL can do to fix my exhaustion.
There is no hope or future for me. I am ready to give up.